I’m Sorry

Today, I thought about things I’ve done, things I’m not proud of. I am not going to admit to anything recent – you can either conclude that I haven’t done wrong by anybody since I was 10, or that I am afraid that my reader(s) will recognize the situation.

  1. Paul – Sorry for telling your best friend that you are ugly when he told me that you liked me.
  2. Sarah – I am sorry for making it painfully obvious I didn’t want to ride in the car with you on the girl scout camping trip. I was afraid of associating myself with you, and becoming ostracized. It was self preservation at its ugliest. I hope that you were able to cope with your parents’ divorce and you are okay now. If you still cut your own hair, I hope that you got yourself a nice sharp pair and that you don’t use school scissors.
  3. Brandon – I am sorry for saying that you walk like a rooster, refusing to share my ample supply of candy, and calling you mean to your face. In my defense, you were.
  4. Amelia – I am sorry for staring at your butt after Jason insinuated that you were fat by accusing you of causing the 1989 earthquake by jumping rope. That wasn’t nice.
  5. Steven – Sorry for trying to punch you in the stomach when you were blocking the door in a friendly, playful way. I didn’t get it.
  6. Nina – I am sorry for laughing when Marian sang “You know you make me wanna barf” to the tune of “Shout”, when it was clearly about you. My sense of humor was poor at the time.
  7. Armando – I am sorry I laughed in your face when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I didn’t realize you were serious. I seriously believed that you despised me.
  8. Marilyn – Sorry that I was cold to you for several months. I was threatened by your presence. I only had one friend and I didn’t want you to turn her against me. You didn’t.
  9. Loren – Sorry for allowing the rumor to circulate that you eat your own boogers. A liar told it to me. You were nice to me, and I was mean. That was bullshit. I hope you are doing genius things like furthering technology or writing a Great American Novel. This is what I envision you doing these days.
  10. Sheila – Sorry for getting us detention by passing you that weird note that was supposed to be from a boy, but was actually me playing a trick on you. Sorry that the teacher read it aloud in front of the class. Thanks for forgiving me. PS Where are you?
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3 comments

  1. Kel The Younger

    Damn – I leave your site alone for a week or two and suddenly it’s like I’m opening the NY Times or something – so much to comment on, so little time…

    One thing I’ll say is I came home to my lonely apartment tonight and *swore* I wasn’t going to get cheered up or smile or anything. Then I see that shot of Roberts and your comment above it, and OMFG…I was ready to slap myself to keep from laughing…

    (Say, whatdaya think anyway – high density polyethylene or polycarbonate?)

    Second, that is quite a hit list – your hit list – that you have there. I look back on my years at Stanford, and I feel bad for a lot of people I wasn’t nice to – especially guys. I think I could have had a handful of really solid friendships had I not been so arrogant and, well, afraid – I was still in my “men were put on earth for me to compete with, or to screw me over as was the case with my father” mode. Fortunately, I realize now that women can suck just as much as men, if only in different ways. But at least I’ve had the chance to rekindle one or two of those almost lost friendships.

    Last, I think there are a lot of mean things I do that I don’t even apologize for. I drive slow just to piss off tailgaters. I don’t hold doors open for people. I do a bunch of other small, obnoxious things in a day. Oh well – a famous anthroplogist I know once gave me some philosophy: it’s human nature.

  2. Kel The Younger

    I’ll say one other thing about “I’m sorry.” One reason you didn’t apologize to Brandon and Amelia and the others is that it wouldn’t have mattered. When someone says, “I’m sorry,” the person who received the attack has to wonder, “Then why did you do it in the first place?” Sometimes there are good reasons, and sometimes not. Either way, often “I’m sorry” isn’t good enough – time simply has to pass before someone is convinced of the other person’s words of repentance. If the friendship is meant to be then it will bloom again, given time…

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