Category: Not For Me

ERES LO MEJOR DE MI VIDA

January 3, MarsIAm got engaged to Mr. MarsIAm.

January 5, MarsIAm received this email.

From: samuel verastegui callupe Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: [marsIAm]@gmail.com
Date: Jan 5, 2008 9:36 PM
Subject: ERES LO MEJOR DE MI VIDA

Hola amorcito, hoy sabado 05 de Enero un dia muy especial para los
dos, hace dos meses que iniciamos este lindo romance, que sin duda va
creciendo y haciendose fuerte día a día.

Which translates roughly to:

Hello darling, today Saturday January 05, a very special day for us two, two months ago we started this beautiful romance, which undoubtedly is growing and becoming stronger every day.

Consider the following facts:

  • Mr. MarsIAm is not AKA samuel callupe
  • Mr. MarsIAm and I have been dating for three years, not two months
  • Mr. MarsIAm, while currently under tutilage in the Spanish language, has not yet written me an email this long or this detailed in another language

I am forced to conclude this is not him, and actually, this is not for me either. Figures.

In case you’re curious about the rest of this Spanish love affair, here it is:

Me encuentro mas enamorado de ti, que tengo tano miedo a perderte, de tan solo pensar me pongo tan triste, y me cae las lagrimas no por cobarde sino porque realmente te amo, no tendria razon de seguir viviendo si no te tengo a mi lado, porque tu mi amor te haz hecho dueña de mi vida, de mis pensamientos, a cada momento estas presente en mi vida, que nunca podre evitar de decirte que te amo, eres la mujer que a cambiado mi vida, asimismo sheylita cuando la conoci fue solo una hija tuya, y para mi fue y son etapas que voy experimentando, sinceramente para mi fue un ser que era extraña, luego se convirtio en un amor que se va definiendo en un ser especial y ahora se va convirtiendo en mi hija, estoy acostumbrandome a decirlo con toda confianza que es mi criatura que se hizo dueña tambien de mis pensamientos, digo mis pensamientos porque estoy pensando siempre en como seguir ganandome su amor y hacer que ese amor que ya empezo a sentir por mi cresca mas y mas, y asi poder tomarte la mano besarte, asimismo a ella poder tomarla en mis brazos, jugar con ella, hacerte cosquillas como ella me lo dice, cariñarla hasta llenarla de besos.
Cada linea que lees en este mensaje mi amor, es con la mas infinita sinceridad; cuando platicaba hace tiempo de lo que pase el mal momento en mi vida sentimental con mi hermano, me decia fuertemente el problema principal de ti, es que tu te enamoras fuertemente, y eres muy sincero en todo al decir que esto o tal cosa sientes y de eso se aprovechan y ya vez como terminaste ahora super mal, porque ellas se fueron sin ningun dolor, nunca mas hagas eso, nunca mas seas asi de sincero, pero no puedo ocultar lo que siento, lo que quiero decir, lo que anhelo; espero no equivocarme, eso no deseo a nadie.
Porque para mi eres la mujer con quien quiero compartir mi vida, mi amor, y tambien esta sheylita la quiero ser feliz, ya que no lo fue con su padre, yo hare que eso cambie en ella, las amo mi amor, las amo
a mis dos amores (maria y sheyla), solo quiero que tambien me hagas feliz, seas siempre honesta y sincera conmigo, porque nunca soportaria otro mal momento en mi vida.
Amor mio el amor que te brindo es mejor que el vino y tu nombre es como perfume derramado; por el olor de tu suave perfume los jóvenes se enamoran de ti. Qué bellas son tus mejillas entre tus aretes, ¡Qué bella eres, oh amada mía! ¡Qué bella eres! Tus ojos son como de palomas.
Prendiste mi corazón, amada mía! Prendiste mi corazón con un solo gesto de tus ojos, con tus dulces son tus caricias, oh hermana y novia mía! Tus caricias son mejores que el vino. Ponme como un sello sobre tu corazón, como marca sobre tu brazo. Porque fuerte como la muerte es el amor, asi las poderosas aguas no pueden apagar el amor, ni lo pueden anegar los ríos, porque el amor tiene paciencia y es bondadoso.
El amor no es celoso. El amor no es ostentoso, ni se hace arrogante. No es indecoroso, ni busca lo suyo propio. No se irrita, ni lleva cuentas del mal. No se goza de la injusticia, sino que se regocija con la verdad. Todo lo sufre, todo lo cree, todo lo espera, todo lo soporta. El amor nunca deja de ser.
Te amo.

Tags: , , ,

Advertisements

A Healthy Imagination

In case you did not know or can’t remember, my last name is Macias.

Recently, my friend received this email, which he kindly forwarded to me, including the personal message Why didn’t you ever tell me about your Uncle Elbert?

Imagine you are healthy

Personally, no. I can’t imagine I am healthy – I was born without the ability to conceive of what might be.

Tags: , , , ,

Bullshit that Shows Up in my Office

cookies

  1. Butterfly and Daisy Birthday cookie basket
  2. Disgruntled students
  3. People trying to find the yoga class upstairs
  4. Yoga person: Is this the yoga class?
    MarsIAm: No… it’s upstairs
    MarsIAm thinks: Yes, come on in and start stretching – try not to kick the fax machine. Oh sorry, is this computer in your way?

  5. Children under five, eating candy from my bowl
  6. Women over forty, eating candy from my bowl
  7. Students stuffing their pockets with candy from my bowl
  8. MarsIAm: [eyeing student choosing 5th MnM package] Don’t they feed you?
    Student: I am paying $40k/year – they owe me.

  9. Packages from Amazon
  10. People concerned about the dying oak tree on a path nearby
  11. Jogger: I’ve noticed that the oak tree over there [pointing] has a great deal of mistletoe growing in it – it’s a parasite, you know.
    MarsIAm: [apathetic] I have no idea what to do about that.

  12. Grouchy mail carriers
  13. Lost objects: Ipod, cell phone, car keys, ID card
  14. Whiners

whining

My Stupid

I was surprised to see this in my inbox.

“yourstupid. com” 2:13 pm (2 hours ago)reply-to: stupid@yourstupid.comto: MarsIAmdate: Mar 7, 2007 2:13 PMsubject : Someone wants to let you know you’ve been stupid!Dear maryam [lastname],We heard you did something stupid. We are sending you this email to tell you to stop it. We think it might be very hard for you to cut back on your stupidity, but we’ll be here every time you do something stupid. We think that through repetition we can help you overcome your stupidity and become more comfortable being a normal person that uses common sense from time to time.Now we know that you are not the only one who does something stupid from time to time. We encourage you to help us in our efforts to discourage stupidity by going to http://www.yourstupid.com and sending an anonymous message to anyone you know that does anything stupid, however slight. Only through honest, anonymous disclosure can we move toward a more perfect union!Thanks idiot,www.yourstupid.comP.S. We’re counting how many times you do something stupid.

That stupid was clearly yours, not mine. My name isn’t maryam. So mail yourstupid accusations to someone else, and leave me out of it.

Tags: , , , ,

 

Leading Dreams to Reality

I had a strange dream last night, in which I was a student again. I was speaking to my boss about my role as a Residence Assistant; he was giving me positive feedback, but also giving me advice about my leadership skills, and how to become a better Residence Assistant.

Today, I received an email from CC. I have emailed back and forth with CC about housing issues, so I expected it was some sort of follow up, irrelevant title aside.

Not so.

reply-to: CC@xxxxxxxx.edu
to: MarsIAm
M,
W ,
Kxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.edu
date: Feb 21, 2007 4:05 PM
subject : Outline of presentation

Please send your slides to [MarsIAm] by this Sunday!

Ice breaker:
How many of you have used a counselor in a school setting?
What kind of counselor? Do you think it was helpful?

[MarsIAm]: intro – how to become a counselor (1-2 min)
K: guidance counseling (4 min)
M: traumatic school events (4)
[Marsiam]: role of high school counselor (4)
C: college application counseling (4)
W: career counseling (4)
Conclusion side: 3 take-away points
References

questions to address in each section: who? what’s the role? conclusion?

-C

Should I respond? I did.

Hi Everyone,

Don’t send them to me – send them to the other [MarsIAm]. I’m the Student Affairs Specialist at XXX, and I will not be playing the role of the high school counselor.

Thanks,
[MarsIAm]

As for my subconscious – leave the work to the conscious mind, please, and stop getting weird emails.

Tags: ,,