Category: Not For Me

Agriculture, food and the environment

is a Google translation of the subject line of an Italian email I received. The body roughly translated to:

Ciao [MarsIAm],
maybe these things happen to me sometimes.
Yours sincerely,

Angelika: they happen to me all the time.


Shoes Are Not Toys

Facebook apparently thinks this ad is relevant to my life. Baby shoes that are also unicorn my little ponies.

Unicorn Shoes

What Baby Do I Know Who Needs These?

I bet you anything Mr. MarsIAm doesn’t get baby bullshit ads on his facebook.

How are we feeling, Missouri?

Today, I somehow wound up on a mailing list of a group of friends, likely from Kansas City.

First I received this email:

from     Kristin<>
to     Caitlin<>, Michelle <>, Allie <>, Heidi <>, Alyssa <>, MarsIAm [emphasis mine], Katie, Alicia, Erin
date    Thu, Nov 18, 2010
subject     Puppy!!!
Hi all!!… There is a new member of the Dolan family! A puppy!!  He is a 10 week old maltipoo (maltese/poodle) that we got from a family in Greenwood, Missouri.  His name is Bennett and we live him!

Attached was a damn cute photo of Bennett.

so cute, your brain will fall out

Bennett the maltipoo

A few hours later, I got an email from Kathryn (who I know by the bleeped out last name is also Katie from above)

Hi Ladies!!

Hope everyone is ready to celebrate Saturday night with me!!  Just let me know if you guys are going to make it to the Cheesecake Factory so I can call ahead so we don’t have to wait!!! I can’t wait to see all of you!!  And don’t forget to bring your boys too!!  It is going to be so much fun!!


So, I got emailed a cute dog photo and I’m invited out to dinner to the Kansas City Cheesecake Factory.  All in all, a good day.  All by impersonating others.

I Am Better At Giving Commands

Another classic “Not For Me” email.  I think that MarsIAm was mistaken for McMillen 3 or 4.

from Jxxxx McMillen <>
to McMillen 1,
McMillen 2,
cc MarsIAm
date Sat, Jun 26, 2010 at 5:28 PM
subject Me

Home again, happily floundering around through stacks of numbers, notes, and trash! I am trying very hard. Our calendar tells me when, my clock refines that, my notes tell me where, and your dad pushes the ACT button. I do my best to respond. Unfortunately, I am better at giving commands than following them.


Sent with my iPad

New Number

I sent about 100 texts today confirming my new cell phone number with my contacts. A few people wrote back to say hi, all of them seeming to understand who I am.

Except one. My sister.

Me: Hi, this is MarsIAm and this is my new number. Ttys!
Sister: MarsIam who?
Me: [believing this is a joke, I typed] :p
Sister: I’m serious
Me: We’ve met before, we share 50% of our DNA.

That triggered her memory all right

A Bloody Good Bloke

Yesterday I received this email.  I am not a Mum (or a Mom, for us American types), I didn’t help out with any flowers for the funeral. I apologize for that.  Pretty sure it’s not for me… sounds good though.





Mon, Sep 14, 2009 at 4:35 AM



Hi Mum

Thanks for helping out with the flowers and representing the family at the funeral. >Elana is slowly coming around but is still very upset especially because Peter was always very good with Elana, he was a bloody good bloke.

Dad said that there were a lot of people at the funeral which I am not suprised, Peter was a popular man with everyone.

Greece was fantastic, especially Santorini, islands unbelievable and good food, not too expensive. The accomodation was perfect with million dollar views. >You will see on our video etc…

Salerno is very historic with the houses and views, we are living in Cava looking back onto the mountains and campagnia. Lots of relatives here and everyone has been nice to us and again tonight we are having dinner with other relatives of Connie. Yesterday we visited Luigi’s home town S’Degla in Salerno. We have visited alot of the Amalfi Coast, very beautiful and amazing. The cost of living here is very high, generally more expensive than Greece but overall a great experience.

We leave tomorrow for Rome and we will meet up with Camillo for one day then after 3 days we meet up with Johnny. More to see, more to spend but so far so good.

We have tasted the Uva fragola, just ike what Gildo had at his house…..but more uva awaits us!

Give a kiss to Zia Bruna for us and again, thank you for helping out with Zacs family, we all thank you

Ciao for now

Marco, Connie, Elana and Bianca


PS; The Napolitano dialect is all Greek to me!!

International Jet-setter

Another exciting email of which I was not the intended recipient.

From: sigmasas   Mailed-By:
To: [marsIAm]
Date: Mon, Mar 2, 2009 at 2:00 PM
Subject: Travel Reservation March 03

My flight itinerary just in case its needed
Sagapo poli filakia

>>click to view flight itinerary<<

Savvas is traveling first from Athens, Greece to Dubai (DXB) on March 3. On March 4, Savvas then departs for Guangzhou, China (CAN).

Savvas returns a week later via the same route on March 13, arriving back in Athens on March 14.My friend suggested I use this mistake to my advantage, and travel in the place of Savvas. Unsure as to whether Savvas was male or female,  I did a Google image search of faces and found this.


It might be hard for me to pull off, but I think I can handle it.

Thank you, Kyklos Travel. Thank you, Savvas.