How do I put this? I guess, I just don’t think we should be friends.
I don’t hate you or anything. I just don’t like you.
I mean, really. It’s not like we ever hung out. I don’t even know you that well. I never tried to.
It’s not even like you like me. Do you? Do you really? Okay, then.
That’s fine! It doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t.
That’s not even the point. The point is, if you don’t like me, and I don’t like you (I don’t, see above), why should we be friends?
Let’s be honest. You would only speak to me if you needed something. I mean, really needed something. Something that, for some reason, nobody that you are actually friends can help you with, and I am the only one. These are the circumstances under which you would speak to me.
When would this happen? It wouldn’t.
Seriously. I doubt know anything about me besides my name and that we’ve met. Looking it up in my profile doesn’t count. Be honest – do you even know anything about me?
I might be transgender. I might run a cat grooming business out of my home. I might be really rich. You don’t know!
No really. Spell my last name. See?
Look, you seem like you’re probably not a baby molester. You’re all right. I wouldn’t have anything bad, or even specific, to say about you.
Let’s pretend this little invite never happened. Let’s not be friends.