Bullshit that Shows Up in my Office

cookies

  1. Butterfly and Daisy Birthday cookie basket
  2. Disgruntled students
  3. People trying to find the yoga class upstairs
  4. Yoga person: Is this the yoga class?
    MarsIAm: No… it’s upstairs
    MarsIAm thinks: Yes, come on in and start stretching – try not to kick the fax machine. Oh sorry, is this computer in your way?

  5. Children under five, eating candy from my bowl
  6. Women over forty, eating candy from my bowl
  7. Students stuffing their pockets with candy from my bowl
  8. MarsIAm: [eyeing student choosing 5th MnM package] Don’t they feed you?
    Student: I am paying $40k/year – they owe me.

  9. Packages from Amazon
  10. People concerned about the dying oak tree on a path nearby
  11. Jogger: I’ve noticed that the oak tree over there [pointing] has a great deal of mistletoe growing in it – it’s a parasite, you know.
    MarsIAm: [apathetic] I have no idea what to do about that.

  12. Grouchy mail carriers
  13. Lost objects: Ipod, cell phone, car keys, ID card
  14. Whiners

whining

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