This Isn’t Golf, You Know

I received the following email today. In the style of The Annalog, here is some point by point commentary.

From: Marc Merritt

I am a little confused to receive an email from Marc Merritt – I don’t recognize the name, but on the other hand I do manage 800 students.

To: MarsIAm
Date: Dec 6, 2006 3:05 PM
Subject: nine-hole paper holder

‘nine-hold paper holder’? Is this guy from Britian or Canada where the binders are different? Maybe he meant nine holes, like golf… but that doesn’t make sense either… does it?

“i have heard much of your master’s fine person,” said mrs. gardiner, looking at the picture; “it
“in point of composition,” said mary, “the letter does not seem defective. the idea of the
capable of the attempt.”

The artificial breaks, the lack of capitalization, and the prose-y style all point to Spam.

In case you are trying to learn less English, here’s some more.

attention, to tens and to scores of them at present unknown. she saw all the glories of the camp-its
dwell without interruption on those subjects that must deaden them more. mr. darcy’s behaviour
and living but three miles from them, were the first points of self-gratulation; and then it was such a
“thank you, sir, but a less agreeable man would satisfy me. we must not all expect jane’s good
“pray forgive me if i have been very presuming, or at least do not punish me so far as to exclude
by letter for the presentation. his circumstances, he assured me, and i had no difficulty in believing it,
elizabeth’s spirits were so high on this occasion, that though she did not often speak
“no indeed; i felt nothing but surprise.”

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