Look Ma, No Manners

Below is an email I received Friday. For clarification:

  • I work at a university
  • I work in a housing office, where I manage housing affairs for approximately 600 students
  • Because I work in the main office for the building, I receive mail, packages, etc. for these students
  • When I receive packages or package slips, I send an email (see below)
  • ——

    You have a package SLIP in the [Dorm name] office. Please come by and pick it up Monday-Friday, 1:00-5:00 pm. Additionally, the office is open Monday and Wednesday evenings from 8:00 – 9:00 pm.

    It is in the mail basket under your last name.

    1:00-5:00, Monday – Friday
    [Building name] 104A
    Friday, I sent such an email. I then went to a meeting for approximately an hour, to discuss building management, move-out dates and times, etc. I left a sign on my door, indicating what time I would return. I found the following email when I returned
    Dear [MarsIAm],

    First of all you have a very light schedule from 1 to 5. Second of all you always seem to be in meetings. Are your employers aware of the fact that you’re never there? Please have the decency of bringing me my package to my room(XXX). I am not going to come 10 times for my package because you’re in a meeting during your working hours( you get paid for it). It is your responsibility to be there, no matter what.

    If I will not get my package delivered to my room today(by 5), I will fall a complaint to your employers in which I am going to tell them that I find it unacceptable that you are never here.

    Thank you for your understanding.


    I’d like to point out the following

    1. Considering that I go to hour long meetings once a week or so, I am in my office 90-95% of the time. Never seems like a slight exaggeration.
    2. Given that my employer only allows me to hire a student worker 2 hours per week for budgeting reasons, I assume my employer knows that the office is occasionally closed during hours.
    3. It is not a package, it is a package SLIP (all caps)
    4. 10 times? I haven’t even left my office 10 times in the past 2 months during my hours
    5. I get paid??!! Neat! Thanks for keeping me in the loop
    6. It is my responsibility to make sure you have a place to live, first and foremost. Mail responsibilities are somewhere between bathroom breaks and checking email on the priority list
    7. Fall a complaint? I am sure they will be tripping over themselves to hear your fall.
    8. Ooooh, contact my superiors? I am trembling. They will be very angry you have not received your slip. I will be fired! Boo hoo! Now my lifelong dream of being a package and mail flunkie will never be realized. Don’t ruin my life! Please! I will hand deliver your nonexistant package, as well as the 8 other packages, as well as the 100 or so pieces of mail to everyone’s door. While simultaneously working in my office.
    9. [expletives]




    1. Erik Goossens

      In 1338, there was a Finnish philosopher visiting London. A war between England and France had errupted just two years before (this was the Hundred Years war, and it would finally end in 1565!). Of the street, he was drafted into the war despite his pleas that he was just visiting (he plead in finnish but they thought he was faking it to get out of the war), and was put on the front line of an infantry battalion fighting in France. He spent 5 years fighting the french for the british whom he didn’t really like, and was finally discharged after losing a leg to cannon fire (it didn’t take the leg off, his sword was in front of his leg – it hit the sword, and the side, not the edge, of his sword hit his leg. there was massive trauma and they had to amputate it when the leg got gangrene). He finally made it back to his home in Finland, where his family had long assumed he’d died on his trip to London – his brother had initially consoled his wife after they thought he’d died, and they’d gotten married and they had a child on the way. He was sitting at home with his embarrassed brother and weeping wife when the town tax collector, hearing that he was back in town, came to collect 6 years of back taxes, and to reclaim the widow money the town had raised for his wife. Unable to pay, he fled to a cabin in the forest and spent several months contemplating the events of the previous several years, trying to synthesize his philosophy and commit it to ink and paper. After several drafts, he was able to narrow it to one sentence, which I quote here:

      “In life as in war,
      as sure the Earth ain’t round,
      thou shalt find it is true
      that fucktards abound”

      Don’t let the fucktards get you down!

    2. Carolyn

      At least at the end of all this, when you’ve moved on to more exciting and fulfilling careers, you will have lots of practice in dealing with COMPLETE ASSHOLES!!

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