In honor of quitting over at XXX business, I have decided to publicly publish my parting words to my soon-to-be former employer and co-workers.
- Cranky Boobs: Do yourself a big favor and never become a manager, as you will alienate all other employees with your superior attitude and enormous, acne covered breasts. Oh, and good luck with that Communications Degree.
- Manager K: It astounds me to this day that you graduated with a degree in the social sciences, yet completely lack the ability to create a coherent memo. Four little words: spelling and grammar check.
- Manager J: At first you appear to be a laid-back, live-and-let-live kind of guy. However your cool exterior soon peels away to reveal your completely anal retentive interior. In addition, don’t ask how “we” can “improve our time management” when what you really mean is ‘quit dicking around and get to work.’ Bullshit questions incite bullshit responses, such as, “I bet you and I could both get a lot more done if you’d stop asking stupid questions and I could go back to reading National Geographic.”
- Boss G: I can’t understand about 90% of the things you say, save some veiled sexist remarks and your disdainful views on academia.
- Supervisor J: Instead of treating your staff like idiots give them the benefit of the doubt. For example, instead of curt feedback such as “X and Y wrong”, you could say “Please explain the reasoning behind X and Y.” Also, blow me.
- Supervisor R: Only well wishings for you.
- Co-worker S: How someone as talented, kind, and on-the-ball as you wound up in a dead end like this is a mystery to me.
- Co-worker N (LA): Good luck with your billion dollar wedding. Hopefully your lawyer husband-to-be can support you while you find a better job.
- Co-worker C: Enjoy aw-lay ool-skay.
- Co-worker N: Enjoy Canada.