Beware January 24

Apparently, the ides isn’t the only day when you should fear for your safety. Today marks the most depressing day of the year, for a myriad of reasons (e.g. short daylight, holiday bills, new year’s resolutions turning sour).

As I have already advised on the topic of handling disappointments, I will instead turn to what I call Life’s Natural Sweeteners. I’m not talking Splenda… I’m talking fake it til you make it.

  1. Whenever you start to think a negative thought about yourself (nobody likes me, I have no friends, boo hoo), remind yourself of a positive counter-example (the mailman always says hello to me). Once you get into the habit of turning turning the beat around, you can turn that frown up, turn it up, turn it upside down. Especially if you love to hear percussion.
  2. Wear something that makes you feel hot. They say that a little sweat gives you a sexy glow. Looking good
  3. Listen to music with an upbeat melody or message. Then take the disc out of the CD changer, the cassette out of the tape deck (the record off the phonograph if you are really olde timey/DJ/totally hip). Smash it on the ground and stomp on it. Jump up and down to make sure you really kill the thing.
  4. Call someone you love. Provoke them, and then burst into inconsolable tears. He or she will feel bad to have hurt you and probably take you out to eat or give you a present.
  5. Eat your favorite food while wearing a hat – it doesn’t have to look good on you, you just have to like it.
  6. Michael Jackson said, “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change.” MJ owns a zoo of possibly ill-treated animals. MJ possibly molested some children. MJ also pissed off Paul McCartney when he bought the rights to a great deal of the The Beatles’ music. Write Mr. Jackson a self-righteous letter telling him to take his own advice for a change. Celebrate with beer.
  7. Treat yourself to a luxury that you’ve always wanted, but you thought was too frivolous or “good for you.” Like bathing. Take a bath. Please. For everyone’s sake.
  8. Everyone is insecure – everyone wants to be loved, admired, thought to be brilliant and creative and interesting. In some ways, we are all self-doubting beings, balled up on the floor with insecurities swimming before out eyes. However, I suggest you get up and and at the very least walk around a bit and stretch, because that can’t be good for your spine. Getting the blood flowing will be a healthy reminder that at least you are alive, at least you can get out of the fetal position… unlike fetuses.
  9. Exercise supposedly releases feel good endorphines. Head to your local gym or even hit the trails, and try to absorb the airborne happy molecules.
  10. Remember, that whatever short term solutions you come up with to relieve yourself, that reality is still around the corner. So while you are relaxing, feel free to take a moment to make plans for cleaning the garage this weekend, or where you are going to dump that body which has been in your trunk for weeks.

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