If You Leave A Message I’ll Call You Back

Once in a while, I get phone messages for previous residents. Some are fictional, some are real. FYI: here is the greeting from the Marsiam answering Machine.

Hi, this is [Marsiam]’s phone. Please leave a message after the beep.

  • [tone: joyous] Hi Corrine, this is Liz. I just wanted to congratulate you for Alan… finally… well, finally realizing how wonderful you are. I’m so happy for you, and I’ll talk to you soon.
  • [tone: irritated] Hello Sharon? This is your mother. I made the potato salad three days ago. It’s rotting in the fridge. Call me [slams receiver]
  • [tone: mocking] Hey genius, where were you last night? Hold on [fumbling noises]
  • [tone: numb] Hey Alan, I thought we were gonna meet down by the railroad tracks and go steal some cigarettes. I came by at 3:30 and you weren’t there man. Lates.
  • [tone: blathering] Alice, this is Linda and I was just calling tell you to tell you about our wonderful trip. The leaves were turning, and it was just beautiful, with the green hills and the flowers. Then we visited Janice, she says hello, and her grandchildren are getting so big now… [goes on til beep cuts message off]
  • [tone: creepy/drunk] Helloooooooooooooo {Marsiam}. Nice to meet you. I’d like to talk to you later {Marsiam}.
  • [tone: shouting over background music] We missed you at practice today, where were you man? We got us a gig for Saturday night – do you have enough room in your trunk for the instruments? Gimme a call back and we’ll sort it out.
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