I Almost Stole From Macy*s!

A quick break from top tens will tell you a harrowing tale of how I nearly was arrested:

I was in the jewelry department, minding my own business, trying to pick out a nice necklace and pair of earrings to wear to the San Francisco Ballet Nutcracker. An important part of this story is the fact that when I shop with others, I am efficient and decisive. However, when I shop alone I agonize over my decisions. I like a second opinion of someone who I think has a good sense of style – I often rely on others to point out things such as an uneven hem, the fact that it bunches weirdly in the back, etc. I was deciding between a black beaded necklace with matching black earrings, or a gold chain necklace and gold earrings. After about 20 minutes of wandering around, alternately holding the earrings up to my face and the necklaces against my skin, I chose the gold. I paid and went home.
I arrived at home, and laid out the jewelry to wear with my dress. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I should have been using my Chase credit card, as I am closing my account with Wells Fargo. I looked in my purse to check the receipt and ensure I had used the correct card.

To my horror, the black earrings were in my purse.

I recalled that I had set them on the counter absently after I had made my decision. When I went to pay, out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash. It had appeared that I had knocked the earrings off the counter with my arm – however when I checked the floor I saw nothing. I assumed what I had seen was someone else picking them up (it’s the holidays, there are shoppers climbing all over each other like ants on a cookie).

I accidentally shoplifted! What if a plain clothes security guard had spotted me??? Oh Jesus, what was I going to do?
“Excuse me, by mistake these earrings wound up in my purse – I don’t want them – here. Bye!”

I decided I would do the right thing – put them back in the store, and nobody would be the wiser. I slipped into the jewelry department, surreptitiously placed them among some other sale items, and darted out with a sigh of relief.

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One comment

  1. Jon

    Here, this part: “I had knocked the earrings off the counter with my arm” That is definitely not a statistic, so by process of elimination we find that only “lie” or “damn lie” accurately describes this event. πŸ™‚ I have a picture of you (from our trip to SF) pretending to touch a little sea creature and dart off – I imagine you probably had that same adorable (yet sinister) look on your face during your re-infiltration of Macy’s. πŸ™‚ Just think: if you hadn’t returned those earings, next Thanksgiving we could all point to a little gap in the floats and say, “There. That space is Marisa. They couldn’t afford the Snoopy float this year because…” [sigh]

    I had a most delightful surprise upon my arrival home tonight: the sound of a beautiful woman on my answering machine!! It was a warm, soothing voice I hadn’t heard in such a long time and so brought not only a smile to my face, but actually brought me to my knees. I knelt by my phone, listening, and thought, “Damn I miss that kid.” It was good to hear you Marisa. I’ll give you a call soon – I’ve been busy with a bunch of stuff too. πŸ™‚ Look forward to talking to ya…

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