Top Reasons For Moving

  1. No TiVo; long commute requires taping of rare ‘Simpsons’ reruns
  2. No privacy; Mom needs to do laundry in basement/my room.
  3. Neighbors finally created password for wireless signal.
  4. Bingo Night moved to Rec Center across town.
  5. Sick of neighbor’s naked early morning Taiji.
  6. Installing eight lane highway through backyard.
  7. Cat allergic to local fauna.
  8. Boyfriend has had
    idea that marriage is in the [near] future for past 5 years.
  9. Concern that Publisher’s Clearing House is unfamiliar with neighborhood.
  10. Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding [increasingly loud rattling] vvvvvrrrrrRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding – gets annoying
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2 comments

  1. Kel The Younger

    Top Reasons For *Not* Moving

    1. Realization that you love the Simpson’s “Stanford” epsiode so much, you don’t need anything else on your commute

    Lisa: Thanks a lot everybody. Now I’ll never get into an Ivy League school!
    Homer and Bart: You’rrrre going to Stanford! You’rrrrre going to Stanford!
    Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!
    Homer: Stanford! 🙂

    2. No privacy. Constantly having to “lend some sugar” to hot neighbor

    3. You finally crack your neighbor’s wireless password: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. As Rick Moranis says, So the combination is one, two, three, four, five. That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard in my life. That’s the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage.

    4. Bingo Night moved to Rec Center across town

    5. Can’t get enough of hot neighbor’s naked early morning yoga

    6. After crunching numbers, you conclude the government is (as usual) 3.85 x 10^12 billion dollars overbudget *and* that unexpected delays will require another 362 years before eight lane highway through backyard is complete. And then they have to paint the lines.

    7. Cute stray kitty cat who rolls around in cool evening grass and greets you at night

    8. You decide that there’s no need to have a significant other as the geckos outside your door at night are all the company anyone ever needs…um, yeah

    9. You start getting previous resident’s mail, including cool stuff like Publisher’s Clearing House entry forms and Maxim magazine

    10. Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding [increasingly loud rattling] vvvvvrrrrrRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding – allows you to live vicariously through your neighbors’ sex lives

  2. Mars

    My neighbors’ sex doesn’t sound like the Caltrain, as my post was supposed to imply. I’ve only heard it once, and it was a combination of something (the headboard? a foot?) banging against the wall and a bunch of yellin’. Not too hot.

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