You Know Who You Are

The following was copied from someone’s away message. Her identity has been protected and she now will be referred to as ‘Aberdine’. I thought it might be humorous to complete the following survey from the point of view of varying individuals.

Fill in the Blank:
1.I _____ Aberdine.
2.Aberdine wants to be able to leave the house without combing each hair individually every morning.
Anxiety Disordered
2.Aberdine needs what everyone needs: anti-piracy software, antibacterial soap, and an anti-brainwave-reading helmet.
Gender Confused
4.Aberdine can be whatever (s)he wants to be without conforming to the constraints of social norms.
5.One day Aberdine and I will ride bikes, write a screen play, and find a treasure, and eat some .
Eating Disordered
6.Aberdine thinks I’m morbidly obese until I am at a steady 83 pounds.
7.Without Aberdine I would have no one to mop up my vomit and call my boss in the morning to tell him I have food poisoning again.
Delusions of grandeur
8.Aberdine loves me, as do most Americans.
9. When I’m alone with Aberdine I will QUESTIONABLE CONTENT.
10.Aberdine daydreams about learning if there is a Dog.
11.If Aberdine moved I wouldn’t be surprised – nobody likes me anyway.


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