Oh God, What Have You Wrought Upon My Toilet?

I usually don’t post on the weekend, but the past 36 hours have been just bizarre enough to incite an inspiring true story, as titled above, in a made-for-TV Lifetime movie.

6:30 PM
I return from work as usual… eat some leftover hamburger helper, then apple slices dipped in chocolate whipped cream, watch a rerun of Friends, and leave to see The Peet perform in a wushu extravaganza.

7:15 PM
I greet Mr and Mrs Peet in the parking lot, and meet The Peet’s main squeeze in a ridiculously long line. Sonejid meets up with us shortly thereafter – we get seats back center and prepare for an evening of the art of Wushu.

8:30 PM
How long is this thing???

9:25 PM
Iron Crotch” did not perform any crotch stunts, but he
1 Painted a painting while standing on eggshells
2 Broke some chain wrapped around his chest while playing the flute
3 Bent a very sturdy looking piece of pipe in half

9:38 PM
Iron Crotch’s son broke some concrete with his hand.

10:45 PM
The show is over, my head is aching. I congratulate the Peet, pick up my main squeeze, and head home.

11:48 PM
I feel queasy. I go pee, then go lie down.

11:52 PM
I still feel queasy. I throw up said meal. The kind of throwing up that makes tears run down your face.

12:06 PM
I feel cured and go to sleep. Main squeeze is very understanding and not completely grossed out.

9:30 AM
I awake. Shoot the breeze with main squeeze.

11:00 AM
I enter the shower

11:20 AM
I exit the shower, and notice that the toilet seems overly full. I decide to brave it and flush

11:21 AM
HUGE MISTAKE!!! Toilet water spewing everywhere and I’m naked! Help!

11:24 AM
I run into bedroom and throw clothes on. Main squeeze starts bailing toilet into bathtub. I start throwing towels, dirty jeans, old dorm T shirts down.

11:26 AM
I run up to the manager’s apartment and tell them what’s going on. They already know; they’re about to go turn the water off.

11:31 AM
Water stops spewing – bathroom is 1 inch deep in water and carpet outside is soaked.

11:45 AM
First we use all the paper towels left in the house. Then we use most of the toilet paper. I find an old couch cover to use. That isn’t enough, so I make a decision. I decide to sacrifice some brand new sheets that were still in their packaging. This seems to help. Soak soak soak.

12:20 PM
I am satisfied with the carpet not being completely soaking disgusting.

12:35 PM
I wash my hands with a ton of soap and water. I have nothing to wipe them on. I use my jeans.

12:45 PM
I make breakfast, but first I must wash the dishes so that I can dry them. I have nothing to wipe the pan dry with. I use toilet paper.

1:15 PM
I take main squeeze home.

1:40 PM
I pick up Maximus from boarder – Bang will be home later today, but not in time before the boarder closes.

2:15 PM
Carpet cleaning people show up. Start sucking water out of my carpet.

2:30 PM
I throw sopping towels, jeans, etc into washer.

3:00 PM
Carpet guy hauls out water vaccuum, is bringing deodorizing equipment.

3:10 PM
I want to put items into dryer. I am short 1 quarter.

3:12 PM
Carpet guy has quarter.

I sit down to blog. My headache is returning. Ai yah.


  1. Kel The Younger

    Sorry you had such a rough day Mars. Isn’t there a valve right where the toilet pipe comes out of the wall? There should be an emergency valve you can turn that stops all water from the main pipe feeding the toilet. Anyway, at least it’s mostly cleaned up. Eat some mint! That always makes me feel better. 🙂

  2. Peetie

    Wow, what a day! And to think I called you in the middle of all that, with no idea your toilet had flooded your carpet. I have lots and lots of quarters. I will give you some.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s