Top Ten Feel Good About Thyself

In conjuction with previous post, here are 10 things you can say to yourself when you’re feeling blue.

1. At least I’m not like that fat guy in the apartment across the way who can’t get off the couch by himself anymore (if you are, keep adding qualifiers until this is true: eg, with black hair, who watches pro wrestling re-runs)

2. I am good at putting the right amount of ketchup on fries.

3. I am the only one of my friends who saw that guy fall down a flight of stairs into a garbage can, so I alone have license to tell that story.

4. I look great in this … thing I am wearing.

5. It’s not that people don’t like me. People are intimidated by my social graces and fun, friendly nature.

6. I could do the Sunday New York Times Crossword if I felt like it. I just don’t feel like it.

7. I am a great catch. Everyone else is too blind to see it because they want to date someone dumber/easier/fertiler.

8. I didn’t want the job anyway, because their vending machine was full of Doritos and I am a Fritos man.

9. I know a lot about drinks from drinking, and a lot about personal problems from daytime TV. I would make a great bartender if the hours didn’t conflict with my busy drinking and TV watching schedule.

10. I can easily think of 10 things that would make me feel better than this list just did.

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5 comments

  1. Peetie

    Whenever I feel down about my life, I like to take heart in the fact that I’m not Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey from Full House, The Surreal Life), whom I last saw on tv, hosting a children’s music talent show, with yodeling 11-year old girls wearing baby pink cowgirl outfits dripping with fringe. He also had to promote some plastic play guitars and sound really excited about it. I’m just glad my low points won’t be that publicized.

  2. Kel The Younger

    11) I got into the college whose rejection letters have left thousands of less fortunate young scholars feeling bitter and betrayed 🙂

    And I think one of Dave Coulier’s low points was, well, Full House. 🙂

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