Top Ten Ways To Spice Up A House Party

1. Get drunk, dance on a table with a lamp shade on your head, and break a vase
2. Hide in the coat closet. Every time someone opens the door, scream like a banshee and lunge at them.
3. Replace the keg with non-alcoholic beer*
4. Start a collection for a ‘donation’ to a vague and suspicious sounding cause
5. Insinuate that the host is a child molester
6. Find two people who are obviously came to the party together. Approach the partner of your choice, and start a lover’s quarrel. Accuse them of playing stupid with you, and slap them. Hard.
7. Treat something filled with water (a pool, a fish tank) as if it were a toilet
8. Endear yourself to a guest by crying and telling self pitying stories for a couple hours
9. Shout a celebratory phrase (a la ‘Merry Christmas’) to get people in the spirit, even if it is the Fourth of July
10. Just be yourself

* This may have no affect on other’s behavior



  1. The Good Reverend

    Freshman year of high school I saw that several of the athletes were selling candy in class to raise money for the sport teams. So I started selling candy to raise money for myself. Sort of like #4. True story.

  2. anamatix


    your top ten lists are funny as usual. my roommate suzee seems to think otherwise after i read her the “top ten ways to spice up a house party.” oh well…she can grow a third leg and have it kick her ass. oh yeah, and she likes bananas. that’s a negative for you.

    love your dearly beloved old school-mate, cruella devile…oh shit, i mean…love your awesome sister, ana.

    p.s. gorillas are the best baby!

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