Danger Rocks!

Shoreline Lake, Mountain View, CA

Lady Hulk vs. Lady Speed Stick (sort of)

There’s Speed Stick, there’s Lady Speed Stick, and then there’s Secret, the woman’s deodorant that’s “Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”

There’s the Incredible Hulk, and then there’s Lady Hulk, aka She-Hulk. After she receives a blood transfusion from her cousin Bruce Banner, she gains the ability to transform from a fragile, timid young woman into an a green, voluptuous, muscular, scantily-clad Amazon. A later storyline in which Lady Hulk is exposed to radiation prevents her from transforming back into her original form, so she must remain green, voluptuous, and as far as I can tell, scantily clad, forever.

So, in a sense, Lady Hulk is strong enough for a woman, but made for a man.

If Attacked, Fight Back

I spotted this sign while hiking at Russian Ridge Open Space Preserve in Redwood City, California:

Unfortunately, it seems the last option is so violent, morbid, or X-rated that they couldn’t show you what might happen. It is only then that the caption ominously becomes the image.

Not Fun Enough to Pormanteau

Sure, you’ve heard of funemployment, but what about funderemployment? Articles about the recent job market always lump unemployment and underemployment statistics together, but apparently straight up unemployment is a lot more fun.

But What About White Men?

A study showing that fleas that live on dogs jump higher than fleas that live on cats was the winner of the 2008 Ig Nobel Prize for Biology.

For more ridiculous yet thought-provoking scientific studies, like the one answering that age-old question, ‘Can slime molds solve puzzles?’, check out the other winners of the Ig Nobel prize.

Large Mass, Small Space

I was reading about black holes on wikipedia the other day:

“A black hole is a theoretical region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing, not even electromagnetic radiation (e.g. visible light), can escape its pull after having fallen past its event horizon. [...] Black holes, as currently understood, are described by the general theory of relativity. This theory predicts that when a large enough amount of mass is present in a sufficiently small region of space, all paths through space are warped inwards towards the center of the volume, preventing all matter and radiation within it from escaping.”

Hmm, a large enough amount of mass in a sufficiently small region of space…I think I’m on the cusp of understanding why people look slimmer when they wear black.

Drop It Like It's Hot

1. Handkerchief

There hadn’t been a heat wave like this in over 8 years, the old farmer thought. The sun had barely risen over the barn, but  already there were beads of sweat on his brow. He pulled open the barn door, and took a handkerchief from his back pocket to mop his face.

It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dark inside the barn. When he realized what he was looking at, he was unable to move from shock. The heat inside the barn was heavy and thick, saturating his clothes and skin. The handkerchief fell from his fingertips. He dropped it like it was hot.

2. Trousers

The young detective had never seen a case like this. A triple homicide, an underground crime ring, millions in smuggled drugs, with incest and bestiality to boot. And he had never seen a woman like this, like the one who stood before him now, in the dark, holding her cigarette just so, blowing smoke in his face, trapping him against the wall.

She traced a fingertip along his wrist and kissed him. For a second, the detective sensed danger. But before he could realize what was happening, his hat was askew, his necktie loosened, his belt undone, and his trousers had dropped to the floor. Dropped like it was hot. So, so sensuous,  and so, so hot.

3. Class

Tick. Tick. Tick. The lecture hall was packed with students, presumably ones with the same idea she had: fulfill two general education requirements with this one class, and get them over with. But she had to strain to hear the professor, and she found the subject – ethical considerations in intellectual property – tortuously dull.

It was a popular class for the wrong reason. Mid-way through the lecture, she decided that she’d rather take 2 classes if they were remotely more interesting than this one. She collected her things and squeezed past rows of seated students, back to her dorm room, to log into the registration system and drop this class. She would drop it like it was hot.

4. ‘H’

Eliza Doolittle had a habit of not pronouncing the ‘h’ at the beginnings of words and names. “In ‘artford, ‘ereford, and ‘ampshire, ‘urricanes ‘ardly hever ‘appen, ‘enry ‘iggins.” She dropped it like it was ‘ot.

5. Chicken Wing

The sign on the counter said, “5-Alarm chicken wings! Finish 5, and it’s on the house!”

Brad thought he could do it. He loved spice, added red pepper to everything.  Free chicken wings? Always a good thing. He signaled the bartender.

One and a half wings later, Brad’s tongue, mouth, and face were burning. He gulped at his beer. The area around him was littered with crumpled paper napkins. He had tried wiping his tongue on one, and when he found no relief, he ate the rest of the napkin.

He summoned the will to take another bite and picked up the wing. His fingers were tingling. The wings, if not for the spice, were pretty good. He inhaled, thinking the smell of good chicken might help. But the moment the spice hit his nostrils, he knew it was over. The half-eaten wing hit the paper plate, and he threw down his napkin and threw back the rest of his beer.  He dropped that like it was hot.

Epilogue

These days, when it’s cold out, I pick up these things that other people have dropped like it was hot, and I clutch them to myself for warmth. A sweat-stained hankie, the trousers of a fallen detective, an dull college course, a half-eaten chicken wing, the letter ‘h’.

Be Famous, Have Beard

When I was young, I sometimes watched a children’s television show called “Shining Time Station.” There was a character called Mr. Conductor who would talk with the kids on the show and narrate stories about Thomas the Tank Engine (and Friends).

In the earlier seasons, Mr. Conductor was played by Ringo Starr, and was later replaced with George Carlin – two men who really don’t seem to have much in common.

Which makes me wonder what the casting criteria were for the character.

1. Be Famous.

2. Have Beard.